Welcome to my awesome life, online – my original blog about being a single dad of 4. Since high school I’ve always wanted to write. From poetry and songs to short stories, I wrote a lot. The desire kind of faded for a while, though it would try to make a comeback here and there, I simply had no time for it. However, a lot has changed in my life over the last year and here I am – writing. Let me share more of my store.
In 2006, I became a Father. Unplanned. Chaotic, my then fiancé and I began the walk into the unknown; being parents. What a troublesome night it was on December 27th, 2006. Problems with the baby, nothing was working the way it should, and an emergency c-section had me jogging down the hospital hallway while putting on scrubs so I could be by my Wife. I was so nervous. I was 3 months premature and died 3 times when I was born. Telling my Dad of the trouble we were having was the first time I ever saw him cry. It was going to be a long night.
Fast forward a bit, and we have a baby in a doctor’s arms. Silent. I began to feel sick, and my Wife was distressed enough that they gave her medicine to help her sleep and relax. The last thing she heard me say is “Why is he not crying?”. As she falls asleep, I hear a cry. I feel this giant weight off my shoulders, but everything isn’t ok.
From Father to Dad
Jumping forward beyond some pacing, a Pepsi and a small bite to eat, I am able to see my son. As I go into the nursery, I am so nervous, hands shaking. The nurse puts him into my arms and I cry. So small. So amazing. I gently kiss his forehead and say, “Hi Matthew”. It was in that moment, I became a Dad.
Let’s fast forward passed sleepless nights, formula troubles, part-time jobs, unemployment, 3 more kids and a divorce, and here I am, a new person. You see, I have been a Dad for going on 11 years, but I haven’t been the Dad I wanted to be. The fun Dad who shows his kids that it’s ok to be goofy and silly. The teaching Dad who shows his kids how to live life. The disappointing Dad who must issue some time-outs or work late. I stood back. I let Mom be Mom because, well Dad couldn’t be Dad while Mom was being Mom (hence now that I am single).
It was in the divorce process and the transition these amazing kids went through after that I snapped into place. I’ve stepped up. I’ve been the Dad I’ve always wanted. I’ve went from hiding in the basement watching football a couple years ago, to only seeing them on the weekend 8 months ago, to having these gifts 24/7.
The Reason I’m Here
I don’t have a life outside my boys and my princess. They are it. I can’t remember the last time I went out. I can’t remember the last time I made plans that I didn’t have to cancel. I CAN remember the last time I threw a football to Andrew, who just wants to play catch. I CAN remember the last time I played Minecraft with Matthew when I could have been folding laundry. I CAN remember the last time I got a hug from Joshua every 5 minutes because that’s what he does. I CAN remember the last time I brushed Emma’s hair because Daddy does it best.
Adventure? Chaos? Blanket forts? Painted Nails? You bet. I wouldn’t change a thing. Welcome to my awesome life!